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For black and queer boys, the policing of masculinity is ever-present. It comes in short fits of outrage: Take it like a man! Don't act like a faggot! Don't act like no punk ass bitch! Nigga, that's gay! To protect your spirit, desire, and body, you feel you have to mimic the masculinity of black men on TV and in the streets; less Michael Jackson, more DMX. But whenever you slip up, the critiques come back. Look at the way he runs across the court!
But she understands that I am committed to the Gospel, and will never leave it either. This came about after many hours and many days of prayer, scripture study, going to the temple, receiving a priesthood blessing, and speaking with people I greatly trust my mom, especially. It was not just frustrating but also saddening and stressful. I had many extremely hurtful things said to me, along with an intervention hosted by my married-in-the-temple-and-divorced grandmother. After moving in with him it has become painfully obvious I have a lot of personal improvements to make to meet his minimum expectations as a wife and mother. These same principles have helped build strong, successful religious communities for thousands of years. I realize my situation is less about marriage, and more about dating, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.